Will The Real Lenae Stand Up
The quote “Bloom where you are planted” has a deeper meaning in this current season. If you have been following Fancy and Fearless for a while, you may know that I struggled with being myself. I want to tell you all a story of how I am blooming where God has planted me, and why!
It all started in high school. I walked the hallways with an attitude, cursing at anyone that rubbed me the wrong way. Deep down I was not angry at anybody, I had low self-esteem. I thought I was ugly, I felt poor, I was skinny with glasses, and no one wanted to date me. I looked at all of my friends and family and felt so different. I was pretending not to be a virgin thinking that would make me cool. I will never forget one night at my cousin’s house some boys came over. My three cousins were talking about who to have sex with. I thought one of them was cute, and kept saying I was going to have sex with him, but I never did. I kept saying it, and my cousin’s said “Lenae shut up.” They knew and I knew that I was not about to do anything. Constantly I was trying to be someone else, and I was embarrassed. I carried on with that lie and other sin until I was twenty three years old.
At the age of twenty three I meet Tony! The relationship started out with lies because I was still trying to be someone else, but myself. The day that me and Tony had sex for the first time I cried. I told him I was a virgin, and I was to ashamed to admit it. Surprisingly he was mad at me! Tony said “why did you lie about something so precious.” I have never felt so low in my life. Here I was pretending to be someone I am not, and Tony would have waited for me! Do you know how heartbreaking that is? We moved passed that and started living together. We were having sex outside of marriage, and I knew it was wrong. I thought because I lied about it, and we started, why stop.
As I started to grow in Christ, my heart was aching. It was so hard for me to forgive myself. I give God the praise because he walked me through deliverance with forgiving myself. I knew I was operating outside of God’s will with living with Tony, and still having sex. I know this, because I did not have peace about our relationship. I was becoming aware of who I was in Christ, and as a women. When that started to take place my relationship with Tony was going no where. We would argue about faith, sex, living together, and life. So we decided to go our separate ways recently, which turned into a fresh start.
You see I was praying for me and Tony constantly. I was not being obedient to God when He would tell me to move out. I was very comfortable where I was, so I stayed. When I felt the Holy Spirit nudge me so hard, I moved! It was the best move I made! Two weeks ago I moved back home, and my relationship is brand new. This move was not just about my relationship with Tony, but about me. Making this move was about me finally being who God created me to be. I finally am giving God all of me, and not part of me. He planted me for this moment right here! To be Le’nae Chontrice Brooks with no restrictions.
So for the girl who is ashamed about who she is, don't be! Do not compromise who you are for this world. God planted you on this earth for a purpose, and you have a seed in the ground. Stay on the path He has for you, and He will water it with His favor, glory, love, peace, and blessings. For the girl who started out on the wrong path and is now on track, praise God! You are one amazing woman that God loves. You too were planted on purpose for a purpose, and your story will be your ministry. God can restore anything, and restored me completely. He even turned Tony’s life around. Yes, all I had to do was move out of the way for God to reach Tony. I am over the moon at how God turned my whole life around with one move! I am at peace, and I thank God for it!I was scared to write this post when I was told to write it. A lot of things I tried to keep hidden will be shared, and people will judge. After writing this I feel so good!!!!!!! I know that I have a calling on my life, and a purpose for this life. I pray that this story can help a young women struggling in this world. I pray that she knows she is set apart, and she can bloom where she is planted. The gardner is the best gardener there is, and His name is Jesus!