Don't Be Ashamed of Your Story Part One: The Fragile Child
I have this quote on my vision board that I created for the year of 2016 that stated “Don’t be ashamed of your story it will inspire others.” That is so true so I placed it in the ministry column of my vision board. It sounded good, but in reality I was not ready or willing to share my story. I didn’t make a vision board for this year because I knew that a lot of things from last years board will manifest this year. Here we are May 23, 2017, and you are ready to read my story from beginning up until today!
I never noticed that the enemy tried to take me out since a child. My mother, myself, and my little brother were in a terrible accident when I was young. I had to wear a cast from my hips down to my feet. My mother had a lot of injuries, and on top of that she was pregnant with my little sister. We all survived, and so did my sister! It’s so amazing how we look back and say “it could have been the other way.” The Lord’s hand was on me since I was a child!!!
Let’s skip to the good stuff. I used to be so embarrassed to say this, but I was held back in first grade. That is when the I am not smart enough thought took up root in me because I believed it. I didn’t understand why my parents did it, and I didn’t care I was upset and embarrassed. The good thing is I did not look my age, so I looked the age of the other kids. I was the only one who knew my age, and when I used to state my age I used to get looked at like why are you in this grade. I felt so dumb, and I did not apply myself in school at all. The negative thoughts came in like a flood. I was a year behind so what was the point. The next couple of years did not work well in my favor either because my parents got divorced when I was in elementary school too. My heart was broken. I remember my Pop Pop (Bernie) asking me what I wanted for a gift one year, and I told him to have my parents get back together. My grandfather always seen past the hardness that I gave out. I was very angry. I had parents who talked bad about one another, and going from house to house every week. That can truly be a lot on a kid. I was the oldest as well. I don’t even think I was there for my siblings because I was so sad and hurt. From there I promised myself I would never get married. That beautiful thing that God created I was cold towards.
My parents did not come from healthy households as well. A lot of generational cycles were taking place. My mothers mom left them at a young age, so my Pop Pop (Sherman) raised them. My mom grew up to despise my grandmother. My mother did not grow up with her physical mom. No motherly love existed. What do you think happened when we came along? My mother did not abandon us, but the question did my mother love me came up a lot. Why is she angry? Does she want me? Did she have us on accident? My father was a man of tough love. He didn’t know how to display it either. I felt unloved and unwanted. My attitude was despicable. I would cus you out in a heartbeat, and honestly I would feel bad after I did it. I had to keep up with this facade though. This angry little girl. That little girl was hurting on the inside, but I made sure to cover it up. Going into middle school was a mess because I stayed in trouble. I did not apply myself in school, and I just ran my mouth daily. I remember when my father came up to the school and chewed me out. He said “you are already a year behind do you want to be 21 and graduating.” I felt like a failure that day. I felt so inadequate. I felt so unintelligent. I just knew that I was going to be nothing from that day forward. So many strongholds were being planted in me, and I had no clue. I did not know they would affect me later on in life. I was a little girl who struggled with unworthiness, inadequacy, rejection, doubt, fear, pain, anger, and bitterness. Can you relate?
Come back on Thursday for part two the lost teen, If you still struggle with the strongholds listed above here are some scriptures you can meditate on. I pray that His word sets you free. His word is alive and sharper than any two edged sword. Let Him expose what needs to be uprooted, and allow Him to dig it up, and then allow Him to fill that space with His truth! Thank you for reading. I love you like crazy!
John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life
Zephaniah 3:17 The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.
Ephesians 2:4-5 But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ— by grace you have been saved.
1 John 3:1 See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him.
John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”
Psalm 34:17-19 "The righteous cry out and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. The righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all."
Matthew 13:45-46 “Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant seeking beautiful pearls, 46 who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had and bought it.